For the past year and a half I have struggled to set and keep priorities. (I, the most prioritized and structured person in the room.) Body pains, mental anguish, and aging have all contributed. I read every article on successful aging and aging boomers I can get my hands on. But while I feel I succeed at seeing that damn glass as half full, the half empty part really gets me. Or maybe, I see it only 40 percent full.
Feeling cut off from the network of music, art, and colleagues that sustained me throughout my life makes finding and keeping priorities the more difficult. Where have all the doors to knock on disappeared to? Perhaps it is a vain struggle against the entropy that will end with my ashes. And my unwillingness to accept that.
All those “succeeding at aging” articles make me puke, because I’m not succeeding. Or at least don’t feel it.
So regardless, here’s my resolution: try to journalize the unsuccess, the frustration, the ‘it’s drifting away from me/slipping between my fingers/can’t find my focus’ feeling.
The personal is political.